Cuando la necesidad de vivir juntos se impuso, para mi otra mitad y para mí fue un deleitoso reto. Mi padre, que en aquel entonces tenía un ruinoso inmueble en la capital (decretado oficialmente como un inhabitable reparable), nos acogió sin titubear. No escasearon apelativos de regusto burlesco para este intento de domicilio: la mansión sombría, la casita de palo, la cueva de los misterios…
Mucho antes, mi otra mitad había manifestado su voluntad para irse conmigo, aunque el destino fuese la parte de abajo de un puente. Nunca olvidaré su carita cuando estuvo por vez primera frente a nuestra madriguera. Su expresión era un Grito mudo que el mismísimo Edvard Munch la tendría difícil para pintarlo. Creo que ella hubiese preferido el puente.
Así comenzamos a convivir; con abreviada albañilería, arreglando cuando y con lo que se podía. Apresurando un camino atestado de obstáculos (esos obstáculos que mi madre se empeña en llamar “las piedras en el camino”). Bastantes, no lo justo sino demasiadas piedras, como si algún arquitecto del universo me hubiese inscrito erróneamente en la nómina como experto en construcción de pedraplenes.
Y es verdad que no valen guayabas verdes si el mal es de barriga. A finales de un octubre, el huracán que pasó cerca de la isla –con nombre igual al de mi suegra, pero categoría diferente– nos despojó de las insuficientes tablas que se inventariaban en el remedo de techo. Noches interminables pasamos bajo las estrellas, aquello casi que figuraba una circunstancia romántica. Y como pretendiendo remembrar nuestras etapas de pioneros exploradores, nos agenciamos una cobija de nylon que nos resguardaba algo de la lluvia en aquel campamento llamado la vida real.
Mi daltonismo espiritual vino a sumarse a mi daltonismo físico en desesperados intentos de poner colores a jornadas bien grises.
Así estábamos cuando se presentó la preñez de mi otra mitad. Era ese embarazo que ansías desde que te unes a alguien como ella, pero que siempre imaginas en condiciones diferentes. Igual cedimos toda preocupación e incertidumbre a la inefable felicidad.
Desde sus días de embrión, nuestra pequeña se convirtió en beneficiaria directa de nuestro amor, y la llamábamos –en esas conversaciones que sostienes con la panza que crece– por el nombre escogido antes de concebirse.
Tempranamente cosechó los avatares que resultaban de haber sido procreada por una mujer que, al no contar con dirección oficial en la capital de todos los cubanos, pertenecía al gremio de los residentes ilegales. Aunque a fuerza de sacrificio intentábamos no enterarla de que para nosotros el hambre no era opcional.
Mi otra mitad trabajaba duro y yo por mi parte hacía el mayor esfuerzo para encajar lo mejor posible en un doble papel: Por el día era todo un especialista de mi empresa, y en las noches –por la izquierda y mejor remunerado–, el ayudante en una panadería. Justo decir que en cuanto a fe y muchas cosas más, mi otra mitad siempre me ha superado con creces.
Once meses de vida tenía nuestra pequeña cuando sobrevino la sospecha de un nuevo embarazo; posibilidad que no tenía proyectada y que en notorio desvarío consideré catastrófica.
Aún sin confirmar, mi otra mitad viajó a nuestra provincia natal con las urgentes y precisas indicaciones mías de resolver “el problema”. De regreso traía una firme determinación consigo y el resultado de un ultrasonido que le fuera realizado. La imagen impresa correspondía a un ser completamente formado. Mi otra mitad alcanzó a ver más: latidos de un diminuto e infatigable corazón, enunciando la resolución de nuestro pequeño de nacer para cumplir su propósito en la vida, Dios mediante.
Intenté en absurda postura asirme a todo posible argumento que desaprobara aquel embarazo; siempre en nombre del sentido común y de la situación real en la que nos encontrábamos. Llegué a contar –deplorablemente– con más seguidores que detractores. Hasta se me acercó en cierta ocasión una vecina que se pavoneaba con el repugnante averaje de haber mandado al más allá –así lo expresaba ella– a ocho criaturas, sumando regulaciones y legrados.
Mi otra mitad se mantuvo en invariable posición. Tengo tanto que agradecer a ello.
Así fue creciendo aquella barriga contorneada por reproches y desazón, mientras alguien como conducto del creador nos aseguraba que todos los niños venían con un pan debajo del brazo.
Con tan escaso discernimiento llegué a poner en riesgo tanto privilegio y fortuna que hoy tengo la posibilidad de dimensionar la estupidez humana: particularmente la mía. Creía yo en todo ese lapso que debía escribir recto sobre líneas que, supuestamente, Dios había torcido para mí. De pronto un día, sucedió algo así como un reseteo de mi alma y me replanteé todo. Comencé una carrera desenfrenada hacia la recuperación de la responsabilidad que había estropeado hasta entonces. Aunque es obligatorio y triste reconocer que para mi otra mitad ese embarazo no fue todo lo feliz que debió ser.
Nuestro pequeño nació. Yo estuve ahí con lágrimas de una felicidad que mi remordimiento procuraba sorberse. A primera vista, era feo y no trajo el dichoso pan. Pero aureolado con una vitalidad que declaraba la oportunidad de hacerme crecer como padre y ser humano.
Basta conocerle para cerciorarse de que es una réplica en miniatura con la naturaleza exacta de mis defectos de carácter. Y la genética se encargó de instituirlo heredero universal de mis miedos. Tiene avidez por el conocimiento y una risa contagiosa cuando de pequeñas maldades se trata. Con tan pocos años ya ostenta la condición de mejor amigo, mi confidente en temas infantiles. Compartimos una palabra secreta que mamá y hermana no logran descifrar. Cuando caminamos juntos nos estrechamos las manos; siempre que una situación aparenta ser inquietante, ejecutamos un singular movimiento con los dedos unidos para indicarnos que todo está bien, porque yo estoy con él y él está conmigo.
Se empeña en ser como yo, lo que me obliga a esforzarme, placenteramente, para convertirme en la mejor de las referencias.
Ahora que disfruto verlo crecer, es juicioso –supongo– preguntarse si hago bien en contar esta historia. Dudo que le guste a nadie que las cosas hayan sido así. A mí, menos. Y cada vez que la cuente no faltará alguien de la cuadrilla de los intransigentes de espíritu para juzgarla como la expiación de mis culpas. No pasa nada. Ya no se me hace un problema. Aprendí de la manera más torpe que todo designio en nuestras vidas es facultad de Dios. Y con la lección, la tarea que me toca es cuidar de esta prodigiosa familia, patrimonio que Él me ha legado.
Me conforta saber que funciona así: sin recesos para la providencia. En este minuto habrá alguna pareja deliberando sobre el aborto. La decisión será irrevocable. Nosotros tomamos la nuestra: mi otra mitad apostó por la vida, y resultó que también gané yo.
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